actual blog post

my hands and feet seem to be finally recovering from the emotional arc I was going through. It honestly felt like a kaio ken moment where my senses were just dialed in so hard.

it honestly did feel like destiny even though I had no idea what I was doing and i dont know what I even did. Probably one day I understand it more once time passes. 

Havent played so much guitar and bass in recent times. Its been so great to be able to reconnect to music as such a fundamental level and to also go so hard into poetry. Something I avoided for a long time due to the "sissy" or "girly" nature of it I had.

I feel more confidence as an artist now although I still have a long ways to go before I can create something that can truly reach those dead npcs we call others.

If only others could feel what I feel. The intensity is seriously unreal. I wasnt built for this world, which is why I feel i have a duty to change it. fuck you if you dont like it. come fucking fight me. you wont cuz youre a bitch. just wanna talk shit behind a keyboard, go fall in a ditch.

not aimed at anybody in particular.

Hit me up, fists, gloves, guns, I'll take you all on. Thats the resolve I move with in life.


Not because I want to, but this world forces me to.

The world is fucked up and it pisses me off. 

You would think one would grow out of this phase in middle school or high school. Crushed by the system, beaten down by the society, but unfortunately, I'm just not going down that easily.

 I don't consider myself a freedom fighter, or a hacktivist, or a protester. I'm a civilian who believes in inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So much so that I'm willing to die for it.

Is that so wrong? Why are people's heads screwed on wrong?
I know I'm right. Logically, ethically, morally, emotionally right, even if my actions may lack some hindsight.

 

Childish? Maybe so. Lets see you do it. Oh wait no, that's where we're different.

I've failed enough to not be scared of it.


I went and cleaned up some of my older blog posts and reread some of them.

Yeap, I'm just an idiot who never really noticed how much expression I would slip in to things I do. Hindsight can really be a cruel mistress. Spent so many years repressing myself for no particular reason other than self-inflicted damage. Hopefully I can be a bit more honest with myself from this point. God knows I've been a little too honest outwardly recently. Need to focus on being honest inwardly for some time I suppose. 

Picked up a new phone line recently. The recent events really caused me to rethink my data privacy and moving some things to a another phone line even though it does hit the wallet hard. Just the fact all my information is just being stored in a database, fed into an AI really makes me sick. From my location, to what I buy, to what I watch, to what I eat, to anything that they can get their grubby little fingers on. My best bet is to spread my information as widely as possible. Making is nye impossible to fully encapture my entirety. I'm not a statistic. I'm not a data point to be sold to companies. I refuse.

I really do love fire punch though. Goddamn, that's such a good work. Probably the most relatable work I've read to date.



I really don't think I'm an author though. I don't really come up with stories. I enact them if anything. There was a conductor this entire time, I myself the instrument playing and keeping time.
Don't know who, but there was only one reason I did this.